THANK GOD for this ounce of good…I’ll ignore all the bad.

I realize that I haven’t posted in a very long time…I’ve been dealing with some bigger issues and I’m mainly using this as an outlet to vent.  Apologies.  I’ll get back to writing regularly soon enough.  Until then, here is my rant…

When dealing with a personal struggle, there is often time for a little bit of self-reflection.  For me, this struggle is my brother being diagnosed with cancer and all that goes along with that.  I took time off of school to be with him and I am now his main caretaker and his advocate.  He, like myself, is a nonbeliever.  We are both bothered by everyone saying that God answered their prayers anytime something goes right throughout this process.  God gets all of the credit and none of the blame.  From the very get-go family and friends were posting and telling us that they would talk to their friend and have him take care of my baby brother.  Still, his cancer spread.  Still, he has cancer in the first place.  Let’s not forget that.  The Christian God is all-powerful and all-knowing, so why is it that so many children are diagnosed with this deadly disease each year.  Spare me the “God won’t give you anything you can’t handle” garbage, because it literally kills children (and adults, of course).  They couldn’t “handle” it.  And apparently, God gave it to them.  If you are going to be Christian and have your beliefs, I am fine with that.  You just have to do a bit of questioning.  Hopefully you can come up with better answers than I can.  I wouldn’t even bring religion into his battle but others consistently do, so I feel as if I have to address it here if nowhere else.

When we receive any sort of good news, I’m thankful for his team of doctors and nurses, for the researchers and those who have tested out these remedies before him.  I am thankful for science and how far technology has come.  I’m thankful for the people who have surrounded him so he knows he is not alone.  Still, others thank an invisible man in the sky.  The question I pose is this: what makes my little brother more special than all those who have gone before him?  Why does he deserve to receive good news when the 8 year-old down the hall hears that he isn’t going to make it, that he can no longer be treated?  What makes God listen to you, praying for my brother, and not the parents praying daily that their child will survive?  After losing my cousin to cancer, I can assure you that during her eight year battle, she received plenty of prayers and still didn’t make it.  It is hard for me to justify all of the unfairness by simply saying “it’s all part of his plan.”  That may provide comfort for some, but it makes me uneasy.

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